We were the youngest guests by miles, but the in-room Nespresso machine was nice...

I have just had one of the stranger long weekends of my life, thanks to Warner Holidays. I can't say I wasn't warned.

Warner operates country house hotels on a cruise ship model: room, food and loads of entertainment for a single package price. The intent is to make the country house a destination you never have to leave during your break. Guests are limited to those over 21. But, frankly, it might as well have been over 61. Despite the assurance of the rep in the call centre that our choice of hotel skewed "a bit younger than average", the two mobility assistance carts parked on either side of the front door sent a strong message on arrival. We were in for an odd weekend.

The hotel in question is Nidd Hall, a pleasant late-Georgian pile just north of Harrogate in Yorkshire. It's surrounded by lovely grounds (very pastoral, with a lake and scores of sheep), has grand reception rooms, a big indoor pool and is wonderfully central for all sorts of sightseeing. I had some vouchers I had won at work that could be used on this hotel chain, and a friend looking for a getaway over her birthday weekend, so we thought we'd give it a try. I used the vouchers to upgrade us to one of the premium rooms in the body of the manor house, and off we went. While I wouldn't do it again, and wouldn't have considered it good value for money without the vouchers, it was both a relaxing and amusing weekend.

After we got over the shock of the herd of retirees, shuffling in packs between the dining hall and the entertainment, we developed coping strategies and actually had a good time. These consisted of spending a lot of time in our well-appointed room, hanging out in the fitness centre, selecting the bar far away from the main entertainment and upgrading our meal package to the smaller, more exclusive restaurant.

Our room was surprisingly modern and elegant, made all the more cheerful by a welcoming spread of fruit, wine and chocolate when we arrived. Clearly recently remodelled, the paintwork and upholstery were pristine and the appliances all new. The flat screen TV came with a DVD player and, to our extreme delight, there was a Nespresso coffee maker with a large sampler selection much depleted by the time we left. We were on the second floor, with views out over the front of the grounds and a window that caught the setting sun in all its glory (amazingly, it was a mostly-sunny bank holiday weekend) and filtered it onto a comfortable sofa. The view out the bathroom window was particularly spectacular, taking in a medieval church, a venerable old churchyard and expansive fields beyond. The bathroom itself was a bright, modern space of white tiles and a luscious grey-blue paint, well kitted out with Gilcrest and Soames products and a large towel warmer. In fact, the only drawback to this paradise came once you slipped in bed ... where you found horrifically uncomfortable foam pillows and sheets that felt suspiciously high in artificial materials.

This, we came to find, was the hallmark of the whole Nidd Hall experience. The majority was top quality ... and then there'd be some glaring element that seemed cheap, tawdry and out of place. There's an impressive staircase hall and a lovely range of drawing rooms furnished in proper country house style, but the entrance hall had chipped paint, seemed bare without a carpet and was cluttered with service equipment when we arrived. A bad first impression. The fitness centre featured one of the nicest pools I've seen in any hotel, lined with tall arched windows bringing the gardens, light and landscape into the scene. But the desk staff charged 50 pence to use a towel. (A fee I consistently avoided by looking shocked and stating that I had not brought any money.) The exclusive dining room had recently been remodelled, featuring lovely panelling, pleasant art, a fine sound system and excellent views over the gardens to the lake. They were clearly going for the hip-and-modern-within-historic-walls look, and had chosen to forgo tablecloths to show off the clean lines of the furniture. Except that those tables were composite wood and looked like they'd been bought in bulk from Ikea. Crisp, white linen could have completed the room, its absence brought the whole look down.

The food, I must admit, was much better than expected. The main dining room was a bit overwhelming, given that it catered to the occupants of more than 200 rooms, and the buffet had a long way to go to meet the lavish abundance of a cruise ship. But you had the option to order off a menu and when we did so we were impressed by both the presentation and the flavours. The better dining room, to which we upgraded for £7.50 per person per night, had an broad range of items under a continental European umbrella. I had a sirloin steak one night, sea bass the next, both worthy of a good restaurant.

And then there was the entertainment. There was certainly a full array of it, including archery, shooting, dance lessons and films during the day. With the glories of Yorkshire all around us, we didn't contemplate staying on property. (Though getting a bow in my hands after all these years was tempting.) But clearly, people do. I suspect this is because most of the other guests seemed to be Northerners, so were more interested in the hotel as a resort destination than a sightseeing base. On the Friday night we took a quick look in the cabaret lounge but didn't stay long so as not to embarrass ourselves by laughing out loud. There are few things on this planet more amusing that watching white-haired English people doing country & western line dancing. (One wonders if they experience the same horrified amusement watching Americans in costume at medieval fayres?) But Saturday, we couldn't resist. It was time for Herman's Hermits.

Hard to believe, but these guys were once as big as the Beatles. Now they're doing bank holiday gigs for pensioners in the North of England. They were actually pretty good ... I'm into something good is a fine tune ... and were clever enough to mix their handful of hits in with covers of other early '60s classics. We sat at a table in the very back, sipping after-dinner drinks and taking in the whole bizarre scene with much bemusement. The best part of the night? Realising that neither of us were born when these songs hit the charts. I haven't felt that young and vibrant in ages.