Wednesday 4 May 2022

When will you realise? Vienna waits for you

 If you're only allowed one adjective for Vienna, it must be elegant.

Other European capitals are edgy, cosmopolitan, exciting, even more beautiful. But nothing is quite like Vienna on the elegance scale. You can watch it on television every year as formally-attired Viennese turn out for New Years' concerts and balls. See it in their love of grandiose architecture and formal coffee houses. Hear it as Mozart and Strauss still offer a soundtrack for the city. Touch it in stiff white tablecloths and tightly clipped park greenery. Live it if you ever have to assemble a guest list to a business event (the
Viennese demand the use of, and respect for, every title they've earned.) Though it's been more than a century since her heyday, Vienna is still a grand dame of the late 19th century; affluent, rigorously intellectual, traditional to a fault yet adventurous enough to let Klimt paint her portrait. And seemingly completely unaware that the Austro-Hungarian empire has been consigned to history.

Mr. B and I both knew the city already, me from a flurry of business conferences I attended in the late '00s when the entry of a group of Eastern European countries into the EU en masse meant Vienna seemed to be the centre of everything for a while. I hadn't been back since, but little in the centre has changed beyond continuing cleaning and restoration projects. The grande dame is looking better than ever. 

Having done the basics, we ignored most of the cruise ship's organised activities to head off on our own. Here's what Vienna lovers get up to on a repeat visit.

Arms and Armour

Vienna's Imperial Amoury is, in my experience, the best collection of Western arms and armour in the world. Because my husband hadn't seen it, our plan was to spend a big chunk of a day here. Then circumstance smiled upon us. The Armoury's curators have plucked the most beautiful examples from the collection, augmented them with some unique loans and created Iron Men: Fashion in Steel, running in the main Kuntshistorisches Museum until 26 June 2022.

The show concentrates on those years, roughly aligned with the Renaissance, when armour was losing its efficacy on the battlefield but gaining ground as a symbol of authority for leaders on parade. Though there are plenty of examples of outrageous fashion from earlier eras, most notably ridiculously pointed metal shoe tips that must have been like walking in swim flippers, 

the displays really get going from 1500. Freed from most defensive requirements, armour's artistic qualities came to the fore and much in this show can be considered enormous slabs of body jewellery. 

Some of the more spectacular examples include a suit where a special process turned the steel blue-black, then makers embellished the borders with gold; detachable armour sleeves meant to look like the billowing, puffy fashion of the age; a "repousse" example where scores of writhing figures and foliage were punched out from the inside to make 3-D scenes, and enameled examples bold with colour. 

There are helmets so outrageous I refused to believe they could have been worn in a joust until I saw the 14th c illustrations that proved it. 

The exhibition is rounded out with accessories, design sketches, contemporary illustrations, reliquaries, and even toys, but the main draw here is case after case of spectacular suits of armour and their matching helmets. 

If you happen to be in Vienna before 26 June do check out this fantastic show, otherwise head to the Armoury to seek out these pieces in the larger collection.

Art ... and one of the best Cafes in Vienna

The exhibition meant I didn't even have to cajole my husband into the art museum. We were already there. As you might expect, the Habsburgs accumulated an astonishing art collection, much of it hanging on the walls here. And they housed it in one of the most spectacular buildings to call itself a museum anywhere in the world. The central hall and magnificent staircase have turned up in historical films as a proxy for royal palaces. Frankly, it's more opulent than many real palaces. You don't even need to go into the galleries to be impressed. 

When you do, you'll find at least one of pretty much every great master, with a concentration on Northern European art. They have more works by Bruegel here than anywhere else in the world. If you have time for only one painting, head for his Tower of Babel and ponder this timeless metaphor for the pointlessness and danger of human ambition. 

But there's more than paintings here; my favourite part of the museum is the Kunstkammer ... 20 rooms of treasures collected by Habsburg rulers from the late Middle Ages to the Baroque. Essentially a vast assortment of decorative tchotchkes and pointless oddities people tend to collect as they travel the world, but on steroids. 

Rock crystal dragons. Gold encrusted drinking horns. Jewelled game boards. Gilded and lacquered robotic sailing ships designed to roll across dining tables firing tiny cannon. Scores of figurines created in every precious material known to mankind. Most famous of all, Cellini's golden salt cellar. 

It's like a garage sale of the impossibly rich with good taste. I could spend days in here; every cabinet contains quirky, extraordinary wonders.

And if you need sustenance, you can slip out to the museum cafe, paved in coloured marbles and housed beneath a towering, ridiculously lavish dome. No shortcuts here, we're in Vienna. The waiters have the same bow ties and starched aprons of the more famous cafes, the menu features the same gorgeous cakes. But the surroundings are incomparable. If you don't want to bother with art, come here, sip a Cafe Mozart and pretend you rule an empire.

Horses ... and another famous cafe

Our one excursion with Viking was a behind-the-scenes tour through the Lippizaner's stables. Honestly, I was underwhelmed with the value offered for the money on this excursion (approx €90 per person), but if you're not in Vienna on a day where the famous white stallions perform, this is a way to see the horses and get inside the arena. You start in that famous performance space, where you learn about this history of the horses and why they're still doing what they do, and private access does give you the ability to get some fine photos...

Then you head across the street to the stables to learn more about how the horses are bred, selected and trained. The stables are impressive, with an interior courtyard surrounded by colonnaded upper stories that wouldn't embarrass a human palace. Strictly no touching allowed, but you can get nose to nose with some of the most pampered high performance horses on the planet. They are exquisite. (But for the total equine experience, the Lippizaner stables, performance and flamenco show in Cordoba trounces Vienna.)

Part of the price tag on this excursion was afternoon tea at Cafe Central, one of Vienna's most famous cafes guaranteed to have a long queue outside it at most times. The bonus of jumping the queue is delightful, getting seated in the back room set aside for groups not so much so. Mind you, this room was nothing to sneeze at, with a soaring atrium and a formal split staircase ascending to higher floors all in a late 19th century gothic revival, 

but it was a bit grey and gloomy compared to the light filled white and gold arches of the front room, where a pianist serenaded diners. The Sacher Torte, coffee, service and bathrooms were the same, however, and at that point in the afternoon such comforts probably trumped the effort of waiting in a queue.

An astonishing library

Given my love of a lazy day curled up with a good book, it's no surprise that my ideas of heaven include a magnificent library. (There's a dining room and a beach, too, of course.) I've already mentioned the wonders of Melk on this trip, and there's a host of English country house libraries that are candidates for my vision of paradise. Add the State Hall of the Austrian National Library to the list, claimed (by the Austrians) to be the biggest Baroque library in the world. If, like me, you are made happy by simply being surrounded by books, this place is an enormous hit of dopamine.

Architecturally, it's like a cross-shaped cathedral, with two long naves coming off a domed centre point with extending apses on either side. There are two enormous stories of books, with a balcony running around the space between. All those leather tomes are embraced in warm, gleaming wood, accented by marble columns and plenty of gold gilt. Above, the requisite Baroque deities frolic across tromp l'oeil scenes celebrating the Habsburgs and the joys of learning. All that's missing is properly comfortable furniture to sink into while enjoying your book. 

Visitors are treated to a rotating exhibition of the library's treasures in these exquisite surroundings. (People my age will note that this all feels a bit like visiting the treasures of the British Library once felt, when they were housed in Georgian splendour at the British Museum, before they moved out to the modernist brick bunker in Euston.) The current exhibition is The Emperor's Animals, a beguiling set of watercolours cataloging all the magnificent beasts that either lived in the Habsburg's menagerie, or whose images were captured in the wild for Habsburg delight.

Music ... and a proper Viennese dinner

Had we booked a little earlier, our night in Vienna would have seen us swept away by the magic of Tristan and Isolde at the Vienna State Opera. It was sold out by the time we booked the cruise, unfortunately. Viking, undoubtably like every cruise on the river, offered the inevitable Strauss and Mozart concert. Which would have been fine, and which got rave reviews from our fellow guests. But we were looking for something different, hopefully with a broader programme and a smaller audience.

I'm not sure if we fully succeeded, but we were happy with our night out in the red salon of the Palais Schönborn Batthyány, where a sextet provided the music while a soprano and tenor dropped in and out for some classic arias and a bit of dancing. The conductor and lead violinist was a stern woman who seemed capable of organising armies as well as musicians, and the delivery was flawless except for an overly-loud piano and soprano, both of whom hadn't quite gotten the hang on modulating their power for such a small audience (there were about 120 of us). They were both excellent, however, so the excess volume could be forgiven.
In addition to the expected Mozart and Strauss (the singers delivered a sexy Là Ci Darem La Mano and an amusing excerpt from Fledermaus) we were treated to one of Brahms' Hungarian Dances, a bit of Haydn and Bach and some erroneous but pleasant Vivaldi.  The drawing room was exquisite, most notable for its wood-panelled window apses decorated with gilded floral curlicues and modern art on the red damask walls.

The concert came with dining vouchers at Cafe Landtmann, a traditional, multi-roomed place across from the Burgtheatre and tucked in the university district. While not as fancy or well known as Demel or Cafe Central, it has a long history with intellectuals and an impressive Weiner Schnitzel. I'd like to come back here and linger rather dashing off to a concert.
Vienna, after all, is a place best enjoyed at a leisurely pace. It's something Billy Joel told the world in 1977 in Vienna, one of the lesser known tracks on the perfect album that is The Stranger.

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?


It was a sentiment that the 13-year-old me couldn't really grasp. These days, I both understand and yearn after it. I need more Vienna in my life. 

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