Romden Castle: Kentish B&B let's you in on the "Tottering" life

As a cash-strapped, history-obsessed 20-something tourist to England, I relied heavily on a book by Elizabeth Gundry called Staying off the Beaten Track.  This was before both the internet, and the arrival of budget hotel chains in the UK.  Most accommodation options were posh hotels or grand country houses I couldn't afford, American chains I avoided, or traditional style B&Bs that let a room in fairly humble homes.  The last was cheap, but I was American enough to find the lack of privacy disturbing, and ambitious enough to want something with historic charm.

The places in Gundry's book hit the spot.  They were usually slightly dilapidated, rambling old manor houses deep in the countryside.  Inevitably, their owners were high on pedigree and education but low on cash; putting some Americans in the spare wing would help put on a new roof or restore the 14th century half-timbering.

Though the internet makes them easier to find, such treasures are fewer and further between these days.  Most of the houses I once spotted in Gundry's guide no longer do B&B.  I've seen several advertised for sale in Country Life magazine -- presumably the family gave up and the places have been restored and interiors brought up to modern perfection by bankers, TV celebrities or foreign investors.  A few have sold out to luxury hotel chains.  And a few still remain, hidden deep in the countryside, their families still letting out the spare rooms and giving visitors a glimpse of what real life is like in the crumbling old manor houses of England.

I don't know if Romden Castle ever appeared in Staying off the Beaten Track, but it's exactly the kind of place Gundry loved.  And the kind of place sure to steal a spot in my heart.

Roughly half way between the bustling towns of Maidstone and Ashford, Romden may be just 20 minutes from "civilisation", but it feels like you're in the middle of nowhere.  There are no signs; it's likely you'll need to have the owners talk you in.  Their mostly-18th century pile sits in splendid isolation apart from a few farmhouses; a 20-minute walk over fields will get you to the nearest village of Smarden.  (Handy for dining at the local pubs but you won't want to try the walk back in the dark.  Luckily, your hosts will probably volunteer to pick you up.)

The Grade II listed house has all the wonky charm of a place that's been properly used, and handed down, for generations.  An oversize front door leads to a high-ceilinged hall, venerable paving stones cracked with use.  Logs for the fire and sports equipment jockey with antiques, family photos, portraits and old prints for pride of place.  You eat breakfast here, indulging in the family's home made marmalade while contemplating the juxtaposition of rare decorative items with the fireside chair chintz held together with duck tape.  This ... not Downton Abbey ... is the way most modern families live in their historic piles.

Your hosts, the Kelly family, are a merry bunch who bend over backwards to make sure you're comfortable.  Dominic picked us up at the pub, Miranda brought plates and silverware to the garden table the night we decided to picnic and encouraged us to help ourselves to her ripening figs.  Other family members took breakfast duty and generally made sure we were OK.  If it weren't for the small matter of the bill at the end of the weekend, you'd think you were some distant cousin invited to crash in a spare room for a while.

Our room benefitted from towering ceilings, a big sash window looking out over the front lawns and
... most importantly ... great mattresses.  My delight at wonky charm goes rapidly downhill with a bad night's sleep.  That's not a problem here, and the fresh air and rural quiet just added to the somnolent night.  We were particularly delighted with the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves crammed with a wild assortment of topics, as only happens when people have been loading them for generations.  The only sacrifice was a cramped bathroom with a tiny shower (if you're a generously-sized person), but the water pressure was admirable.

If you insist on all the mod cons, expect fluffy dressing gowns and recoil at signs of wear and tear, Romden isn't for you.  If, however, you're charmed by the world depicted by Annie Tempest (who happens to be Dominic's cousin) in her Tottering By Gently series, put this on your weekend away list.