My mind has changed. Tesco is, indeed, an evil enemy to customer service. I respect their pile-em-high, sell-em-cheap business strategy, but now realise the consequences. The new truth in marketing laws really should have them investigating replacing their tagline "every little helps" with "caveat emptor".
The source of my awakening is my 13-month old iPhone. Last May, after a lifetime of employer-provided mobile telephony, I decided it was time to get my own kit. Having never paid for a mobile before, I wanted no hassle. Thus I purchased the premium deal: biggest, most sophisticated phone matched with an unlimited use contract for two years. It was, the love of my life now informs me, a rotten deal, but I didn't care at the time. It was fast, spur-of-the-moment and easy. A small diversion from the weekly grocery shop and a big item knocked off my to do list.
Forward 13 months, during which time I have dutifully paid my £45 a month and forked over extra cash when traveling for outrageous roaming fees. Again, not bothered. The glory of the internet in my pocket, the complete connectivity to the whole planet at every moment of my day, made the cost inconsequential. Then, on Wednesday morning, I woke up to an iPhone with a black screen. Held under a bright light, the images are still there; the mechanism to light them up has busted. The device is still working, you just can't see much. Which makes it pretty useless. (I have temporarily switched to my work Blackberry for survival, which, for anything other than work email, is painfully awkward.)
Following instinct and 26 years of Apple ownership, my first stop was to the Apple store, where a charming, sincere and very helpful man couldn't give me an immediate appointment with a genius (Apple's customer support people), but took a look, told me what had probably gone wrong and discussed options with me. First step, clearly, was to go back to Tesco Mobile to see what they could do for me. If I was stuck, come back to Apple and go from there.
Well, I shall certainly be returning to Apple, because the Tesco Mobile people were poster children for poor customer service. (And in this country, that's saying a lot.) First, there was the spotty youth who greeted me with the information that he was new, didn't know anything and probably couldn't help me. Then there was the slightly less spotty youth, who ignored my explanation that I'd tried all rebooting, brightness checks, etc. and had even visited the Apple store. He did all of this anyway, telling me as he did that since it was a month past one year it was my problem. Although they might be able to send it away to be fixed for me. I'd have to pay, of course, and it would be several weeks without a phone. Maybe a manager could do something.
This is where I usually expect things to get fixed. Skip the teenagers, get to the mature people who are making a career out of their chosen businesses. People who usually are given some discretion by their corporate overlords to do what's necessary to please, and keep, a good customer. As in, customers for whom convenience and service is more important than cost. (Yes, I know, anyone who's shopped in a Tesco will see the flaw in my argument right here. "You're not in WAITROSE, Ferrara. You think they give a damn about you as a customer?)
So on to the department manager, a pinched, pale 30-something who I suspect looked at least five years older than she was. Clearly, working for Tesco does you no favours. (Nor does the manly, ill-fitting blue polyester suit she was forced to wear.) Her position was pretty much the same as the spotted youths. I was a month past warranty. I might have heard a "sorry", but it was the same kind of "sorry" delivered by train engineers when you're running late. They say it because the marketing department told them to. They don't really mean it. The pinched and pale manager offered no suggestions and gave no help. Not even an offer to try to send it away for repair. Nor an attempt to upsell me to a new phone at a slight discount. (Which, had they read me right and been nice to me, I might have done.)
I have learned my lesson. And, oddly, it's not "you get what you pay for", because I paid the premium rate and still suffered. It's "you get WHO you pay for". No matter what you buy and how much you spend, if you buy it from a bare bones discounter who's all about profits, and figures cheap prices eliminate the need for customer service, you will be treated badly. If you buy from a premium retailer, even if you got something at a whacking great discount, they'll take care of you; because their brand depends on that service. So, dear readers, please learn from my pain. DON'T SHOP AT TESCO.
And, dear John Lewis partnership, don't you think there's a market niche for Waitrose mobile?
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