On my 50th: Five lessons for a well-lived life

I interrupt the 50th birthday trip reportage on this, the actual day, for some philosophy. A younger friend asked me for five lessons from the first five decades of my life.  Here, cobbled from my experience, are the most important lessons by which I live my life.

1.  Every rose blooms at a different time.  
This was the mantra of a beloved journalism professor, and I didn't understand it then as I do now.  The world invents timetables for us.  Marry by this time, have kids by this.  Be on this rung of the corporate ladder at this age.  Buy a house by that.  NO.  Chill out.  Decide on your path, stay on it, and what will come, will come.  (Like getting married for the first time at 47!) Some things may not bloom ... no kids for us.  But that doesn't matter.  The journey is as the goal.  Free yourself from schedules and enjoy the ride.

2.  Get your work/life balance right.
A happy minority love what they do.  Most soldier on to pay the mortgage.  Either way, ironically, we  end up getting work all out of proportion.  It is certainly not what you're going to be reviewing in treasured memory when you are on death's door.  This is the biggest lesson that two bouts of cancer in my 40s taught me.  Find the things you enjoy in your work, embrace them, and do a great job at whatever you do.  But know when to stop, and be as serious about your leisure time as you are about the job.  A life of hard work and recovery on the sofa watching TV is a life half-lived.  And life is far too precious, and short, to do anything by halves.

3.  Make your home a haven of peace and beauty.
Whether it's a tiny urban apartment or a rambling estate, a home is the adult equivalent of the womb.  Make it a place that nurtures and restores you.  Surround yourself with things of beauty that evoke happy times in your life.  Decorate for yourself, not others.  Keep things tidy.  Bring in good smells and fresh flowers.  Make a garden.  Some people say a home is a castle.  I think it should be your refuge and your paradise here on Earth.

4.  Be a peacemaker ... until you must fight. 
In my experience, I share this with a lot of children of divorce from the '60s and '70s, who lived through parental relationships that should have ended long before society allowed.  Do anything to avoid a fight.  Look at both sides of an argument.  Understand the other guy's perspective; everyone has motivations for their actions and few people are actually "bad".  Understanding and kindness get more than fighting.  But when you do have to come off the fence, fight like hell and take no prisoners.

5.  Work at friendship.
Other people give our lives meaning.  You emerge into life sharing DNA with a subset ... some are luckier than others.  From there, you're on your own.  The relationships you forge have the potential to bring limitless delight and fulfillment.  But you can't take them for granted.  Relationships need to be nurtured.  Communicate.  Stay in touch.  Make plans.  Be there to listen ... often, that's what people need most. Don't let the special people drift away.

And if the friend who asked me to do this will indulge me, I'm going for a sixth.  A golden rule that, I believe, links all these together and is the basis of a good life: Know Thyself.

There's nothing new in this revelation: the Greeks carved it into the wall at the Oracle in Delphi.  Wise people.  Because it is, indeed, the secret to living.  Understand what makes you tick.  Appreciate your strengths.  be brutally honest about your weaknesses.  Know makes you happy when life is good, and the basics you need to keep stable when life lets you down.  Buy a designer handbag or a new car because you want it, not because someone else has one.  Choose a hairstyle because it  makes you happy and confident, not because someone said you should be blonde.  Spend time with people because you love being with them, not because they're popular.

All of this was a lot tougher at 20 than at 50.  That is the beauty of maturity.  You start to figure yourself out. And that unlocks all the other routes to happiness in life.